Category: Self Help

Dealing With Mother Guilt

Wednesday, 27 March 2013 09:30 Written by Lasandra 0 Comments

Guilt. It seems to follow every mother from the moment her child is born. It’s as if having a child means changing your middle name to “Guilt.” It’s hard to shake and if you’re not careful it can lurk around and follow your every decision. “Did they get enough fruits and veggies today?” “Maybe they had trouble sleeping because I didn’t let them have enough outside play time.” “Should I work or stay home – either way I’ll feel guilty.” “I could really use some time to myself, but I feel guilty spending the money and taking time away from being with my child.” “Am I making the right decision about what school they should go to?” “I need to check these emails, but that means not spending time with her.” “Am I really present enough?” Any of these resonate with you?

Societal expectations for women largely contribute to the almost universal feeling of mother guilt. It’s as though somewhere along the way we were presented with a mental image of the ideal mother, but somehow we’re never quite able to measure up to her. While a little guilt can be good (because it shows that we love and care and want to grow and be good in our role), too much can weigh us down. At some point, we have to come to the realization that we’re not perfect. Cut ourselves a little slack and take comfort in the fact that we’re doing the best we can. Hard as it is we have to stop comparing ourselves to other mothers (real and fictional) because the reality is we don’t fully understand their circumstances and it’s just not fair to do it to ourselves.

Often times the underlying fear is that some decision we make will have critical lasting impact on our child. Sometimes it feels as though there’s one “right” choice and if we choose the wrong one our child will forever be negatively affected by it and will never be as well adjusted. We have to give ourselves a break! Try to remember a happy mother makes a better mother. So releasing some of that guilt and pressure will not only benefit you – it will benefit your kids! Develop a mantra if you need to such as, “I love my kids. I’m doing all that I can.” When the guilt starts to set in remind yourself of that. At the end of the day give yourself credit for working hard to provide a safe and loving home for your child. And then remind yourself that sometimes that’s good enough!

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The Therapeutic Power of Journaling

Monday, 04 February 2013 19:17 Written by Lasandra 2 Comments

What comes to mind when you hear the word “therapy”? Perhaps you visualize a person lying on a couch or sitting behind a desk talking to a therapist. This is often the case. However, therapy comes in many different forms. Art, music, and play can all be powerful therapeutic tools that help individuals reach their goals. Writing can also be very therapeutic. By using a journal many people feel they can open up about their most challenging inward material. Its reflective nature allows us to begin to see ourselves more clearly and come to a better understanding of who we are and what we’ve been through. Studies even suggest there are physical, in addition to emotional, benefits to writing in a journal. Therapists often incorporate journal exercises as starting points for sessions or as “homework” throughout the week. Perhaps you’ll make a list of specific goals. Or maybe you’ll write a very honest letter with no intention of ever sending it. Maybe you’ll be asked to do a reflective retelling of a specific memory. Whatever the case journals can help bring to light the words that are most difficult to say. This can be true for a variety of circumstances. Whether you’re coping with illness, loss, addiction, trauma, or are trying to improve relationships or self-esteem using a journal can be a powerful tool.

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How to Choose a Therapist

Monday, 14 January 2013 23:40 Written by Lasandra 0 Comments

So you’ve made the decision to seek therapy – that’s great! It’s a courageous, soul-searching decision that often times isn’t easy to make. Kudos to you for taking that first big step. But now what? How do you go about choosing a therapist? Especially when there are so many to choose from and all with different titles. The tips below are merely suggestions to keep in mind while considering what therapist is best for you. Take a little time to mull it over and decide what else is important to you and then add it to the list!

- Comfort – Because a therapist is someone you will eventually end up sharing very intimate details with it’s important you feel comfortable with him or her. It needs to be someone you feel you can trust 100% and be open and honest with. You want someone who feels like a “good fit.” It’s important that you feel respected and can sit and talk comfortably with the person. Consider whether you would feel more comfortable with a male or female therapist. Would you prefer a therapist who speaks your native language? Would it bother you if the therapist was considerably older or younger than you? Don’t be afraid to sit down for a few sessions with a therapist to see if it’s a right fit for you.

- Location – Sounds obvious, right? Counseling is hard work. There may come a point in time when you are tempted to skip a session. Choosing a therapist who is close to your home or work can help eliminate using travel time as a convenient excuse to skip a session. Choosing someone close to home may make it easier to follow through.

- Experience – You may want to ask any potential therapist how long they have been providing counseling services. Also, you’ll want to find out if they have experience working with clients who dealt with your specific issues. Find out if they are licensed. Try to keep in mind you are interviewing them just as much as they are interviewing you.

- Insurance – It’s important to dialogue with your insurance provider and any potential therapists up front about the financial details. Is there a sliding fee? How many sessions will your insurance cover? Is it a copay or a percentage towards service? Do you need a referral? Are there in-network and out of network providers? Choosing a therapist you can afford may help ensure attendance in sessions.

Ultimately, you’ll want to go with who feels right. Only you can decide that!

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Self Care

Saturday, 28 April 2012 21:47 Written by Lasandra 0 Comments

Finding the time and energy to take care of yourself can be challenging in today’s busy world. Sometimes juggling work, family, and other commitments leaves very little room for you to do something just for yourself. However, it’s very important that you do. Self-care reduces stress which in turn helps you to cope with day to day responsibilities. Proper self-care goes beyond an occasional indulgent trip to the spa. It’s about creating a lifestyle with healthy habits. This includes exercise, getting enough sleep, healthy eating, proper hygiene, practicing relaxation techniques, etc. It’s about being healthy – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Perhaps by now you’re thinking, “Sounds nice, but I don’t have the time or money.” The good news is there are plenty of ways to practice self-care without spending a dime. For example, exercise doesn’t require a gym membership. Simply taking a walk or riding a bike through the neighborhood or a local park can help reduce stress. Maybe there’s a book you’ve been wanting to read for quite some time. Make a trip to the library and commit a few minutes each night to reading it. Journaling, listening to music, or soaking in a hot bath can also be effective self-care techniques. Maintaining social support and taking up hobbies can also help. Finding the time may be a challenge, but it’s worth the effort.

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Overcoming Stigma and Accepting Help

Friday, 06 April 2012 20:19 Written by Lasandra 0 Comments

Suffering from a mental health condition is hard. Unfortunately, the stigma that is often associated with it can make it even harder. Individuals with mental illnesses are often portrayed in movies and television as extremely dangerous, violent, or unstable which can result in misinformation to those around us. Words like “crazy” and “psycho” are painful and perpetuate the unnecessary stigma. Far too often this type of stigma serves as a barrier to reaching out for necessary support.

First, recognize that seeking help is not a sign of personal weakness. Professional counseling provides support so that you don’t have to do it all alone. Second, try to release the fear of being “labeled.” Sometimes people are afraid to acknowledge having a condition that needs treatment. However, identifying what’s wrong can provide relief and result in a specific treatment plan to reduce troubling symptoms. If it’s determined that you are suffering from a mental health condition you may be hesitant to share this information with others. Remember, judgment from others may be based on misinformation. Sharing your diagnosis with those you trust may help educate those around you and help to reduce the overall stigma.

Some recent studies suggest the stigma associated with mental illness may be decreasing as evidenced by an increase in the public acceptance of antidepressants. However, it’s important to remember that study after study shows that drug treatment is most effective when combined with talk therapy. Medication can be helpful in treating the chemicals in our brains, but humans are made up of more than just chemicals. We are emotional beings and often times our feelings and emotions demand our attention.

Overcoming stigma and accepting professional help can be challenging, but it may be just the thing to empower you to take back control of your life.

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