Tag: Kids

Dealing With Mother Guilt

mother-guiltGuilt.  It seems to follow every mother from the moment her child is born.  It’s as if having a child means changing your middle name to “Guilt.”  It’s hard to shake and if you’re not careful it can lurk around and follow your every decision.  “Did they get enough fruits and veggies today?” “Maybe they had trouble sleeping because I didn’t let them have enough outside play time.”  “Should I work or stay home – either way I’ll feel guilty.”  “I could really use some time to myself, but I feel guilty spending the money and taking time away from being with my child.”  “Am I making the right decision about what school they should go to?”  “I need to check these emails, but that means not spending time with her.” “Am I really present enough?”  Any of these resonate with you?
Societal expectations for women largely contribute to the almost universal feeling of mother guilt.  It’s as though somewhere along the way we were presented with a mental image of the ideal mother, but somehow we’re never quite able to measure up to her.  While a little guilt can be good (because it shows that we love and care and want to grow and be good in our role), too much can weigh us down.  At some point, we have to come to the realization that we’re not perfect.  Cut ourselves a little slack and take comfort in the fact that we’re doing the best we can.  Hard as it is we have to stop comparing ourselves to other mothers (real and fictional) because the reality is we don’t fully understand their circumstances and it’s just not fair to do it to ourselves.
Often times the underlying fear is that some decision we make will have critical lasting impact on our child.  Sometimes it feels as though there’s one “right” choice and if we choose the wrong one our child will forever be negatively affected by it and will never be as well adjusted.  We have to give ourselves a break!  Try to remember a happy mother makes a better mother.  So releasing some of that guilt and pressure will not only benefit you – it will benefit your kids!  Develop a mantra if you need to such as, “I love my kids. I’m doing all that I can.”  When the guilt starts to set in remind yourself of that.  At the end of the day give yourself credit for working hard to provide a safe and loving home for your child.  And then remind yourself that sometimes that’s good enough!
Photo Credit: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=3849

Parenting: An Important Premarital Discussion

Deciding to get married is one of the biggest decisions a person can make.  The decision of whether or not to have children is arguably just as big (if not bigger).  That’s why it is vitally important to discuss the issue of parenting with your partner before saying, “I do.”  Do you want to have children?  Does your partner?  Is your answer non-negotiable?  It’s best to share your thoughts and feelings openly with your partner about the issue and allow him or her the same opportunity.
You may be thinking, “We both definitely want kids.  No issues here!”  While that may be true there are a number of other things to consider including in your discussion.  How many children do each of you want?  How would you like to space them?  Who will handle discipline in your house and how will it be done?  What about childcare?  Will you both be working or will one parent stay home with the child(ren)?  Do you (or your partner) plan to raise your kids in a particular faith?
Perhaps you or your partner already have kid(s) from a previous relationship.  Parenting is still an important topic to discuss.  Just because he already has children doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll be open to having another one.  Don’t leave anything to assumption.  Also, when blending a family you’ll want to discuss who and how the discipline of the children will be handled.
Hopefully these questions are just a sample of an ongoing discussion you and your partner are already having.  You may not be exactly on the same page for every question.  The important thing is having the discussion and knowing where you each stand on things.  In some cases, you may not know how you feel about an issue until it comes up.  Or, as it does for many people, your feelings about an issue may change once you actually have children.  Building the foundation for a healthy dialogue now will allow you to continue to have healthy conversations as you experience the journey together.

Photo Credit: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2125

hope & restorationWhen the dark clouds of life roll in and settle over you, it’s important to have someone who can help you tap into your inner strength so that you can survive the storm.  At The Empowerment Group, that’s exactly what we do. We welcome you to explore the possibilities that are available to you. Restore a sense of balance and direction to your life. Whether through therapy, through Family Mediation, or through relationship counseling, we can help you find a path toward resolution and relief. Empowering your life! The Empowerment Group wants to help you bring balance, peace and happiness to your life even when the storms roll in and you feel all hope is gone. We can help:
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