Before I Got Married, I Wish I had Known…

Wedding bands, Premarital CounselingWe all have preconceived images of what marriage looks like.  The reality, however, is often very different.  From a very early age we’re presented with picture perfect romances through movies and television.  The truth is they can’t possibly show how much work marriage requires day in and day out.  Here are a few things that might be helpful to know before getting married:
1.  It’s hard.  REALLY hard.  Most people know this going into marriage, but can’t fully comprehend it until they are in the thick of it.  That’s because before actually getting married it’s easy to naively believe marriage is hard for other people, but won’t be for you and your partner.  Because you and your partner are very in love and love conquers all.  Love is powerful, but requires work.  From both parties.
2.  Sometimes marriage is boring.  The truth is you probably won’t go to bed every night and wake up every morning with stars in your eyes.  (Sometimes you may wake up next to bad breath and stolen covers – or you may never fall asleep because of loud snoring!)  It’s hard for most people to imagine how long “til death do us part” really is.  Furthermore, it’s hard to imagine just how much monotony is in there.  As the honeymoon phase begins to fade and the realities of day to day life come into play it can be hard to accept everyday isn’t full of sparks or adventure.
3.  No matter how much you love your partner, you’re not going to have sex everyday.  In fact, several days may go by and that can be normal.  One or both partners may be tired from work or managing small children.  Maybe one partner isn’t feeling well.  The important thing is that intimacy can be maintained in other ways.  Touch of any kind can provide reassurance and keep the flame alive.  Mutual sexual satisfaction, like every other part of a marriage, requires hard work.
4.  Resentment is ugly and often hides around the corner.  Perhaps you and your partner have different views on roles and responsibilities within the marriage.  Maybe you didn’t realize how your partner felt about the issue before you got married or maybe you didn’t realize how you would feel about an issue until it actually came up.  Whatever the case may be it can be difficult to fight off resentment.  Truth is it can build up and begin to eat away at the relationship.  Again, both parties have to actively work for the marriage which means keeping resentment out.
The list could go on and on.  That’s because marriage is a lifelong journey, not a destination.  The longer you are married the more lessons you learn.



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